I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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