just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
