Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
