Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
