i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
