i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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