I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Success! We fucked roommates!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
