What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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