garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
