if you like me you must not know who I am
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She swung at the pinata with crutches
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
