conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
