You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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