does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
