physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
