Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
