"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up under a house in Key West
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
