It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
