No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
