pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
