its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
