We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
