I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
