If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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