dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
