My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
