That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
