yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
