I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i now understand why vodka
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
