i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
