My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
