before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
