He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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