apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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