Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
