oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
