I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
