If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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