So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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