I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
