I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
