Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
