He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
