one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
