my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
