So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
