She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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