...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
