i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
