Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
