my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
