wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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