she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
