so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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