The maid of honor just puked.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
