nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
