The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
